diff options
| author | Karl Skomski <karl@skomski.com> | 2015-09-03 10:10:30 +0200 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | James M Snell <jasnell@gmail.com> | 2015-10-07 21:09:53 -0700 |
| commit | a18dd7b7882ca955075ad977a5e7838c792bb76f (patch) | |
| tree | 29b747e1919cec49963ba6a55c55ca7607eda5b9 /benchmark/fixtures | |
| parent | aeee956ac73de7af914b747926168714fe4d1c4c (diff) | |
| download | node-new-a18dd7b7882ca955075ad977a5e7838c792bb76f.tar.gz | |
src: replace naive search in Buffer::IndexOf
Adds the string search implementation from v8
which uses naive search if pattern length < 8
or to a specific badness then uses Boyer-Moore-Horspool
Added benchmark shows the expected improvements
Added option to use ucs2 encoding with Buffer::IndexOf
Reviewed-By: James M Snell <jasnell@gmail.com>
Reviewed-By: Trevor Norris <trev.norris@gmail.com>
PR-URL: https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/2539
Diffstat (limited to 'benchmark/fixtures')
| -rw-r--r-- | benchmark/fixtures/alice.html | 3865 |
1 files changed, 3865 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html b/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html new file mode 100644 index 0000000000..a794e2582a --- /dev/null +++ b/benchmark/fixtures/alice.html @@ -0,0 +1,3865 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"><html><head><title>The Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll</title> <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"><style type="text/css"><!-- body{margin:10%;text-align:justify}p.asterisks{font-size:150%;font-family:monospace;text-align:center}--></style> </head><body><pre> +The Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland +This is an HTML reprint of #1 in our series by Lewis Carroll + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr> +<h1 align="Center">ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND</h1> + +<h3 align="Center">Lewis Carroll</h3> + +<p align="Center"><i>THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0</i></p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER I</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">Down the Rabbit-Hole</h3> + +<p>Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister +on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had +peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no +pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' +thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?'</p> + +<p>So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, +for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether +the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble +of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White +Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.</p> + +<p>There was nothing so <i>very</i> remarkable in that; nor did +Alice think it so <i>very</i> much out of the way to hear the +Rabbit say to itself, 'Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!' (when +she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought +to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite +natural); but when the Rabbit actually <i>took a watch out of its +waistcoat-pocket,</i> and looked at it, and then hurried on, +Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that +she had never before seen a rabbit with either a +waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with +curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was +just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the +hedge.</p> + +<p>In another moment down went Alice after it, never once +considering how in the world she was to get out again.</p> + +<p>The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, +and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a +moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself +falling down a very deep well.</p> + +<p>Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for +she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to +wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look +down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to +see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and +noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves; +here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs. She took +down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was labelled +'ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it was empty: +she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so +managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past +it.</p> + +<p>'Well!' thought Alice to herself, 'after such a fall as this, +I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll +all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even +if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely +true.)</p> + +<p>Down, down, down. Would the fall <i>never</i> come to an end! +'I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said +aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. +Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' +(for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in +her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a <i>very</i> +good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no +one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) +'--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what +Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what +Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice +grand words to say.)</p> + +<p>Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right +<i>through</i> the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among +the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, +I think--' (she was rather glad there <i>was</i> no one listening, this +time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) '--but I shall +have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. +Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried +to curtsey as she spoke--fancy <i>curtseying</i> as you're +falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?) 'And +what an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking! No, +it'll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up +somewhere.'</p> + +<p>Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon +began talking again. 'Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I +should think!' (Dinah was the cat.) 'I hope they'll remember her +saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I wish you were down +here with me! There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but you +might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know. But do +cats eat bats, I wonder?' And here Alice began to get rather +sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, +'Do cats eat bats? Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, 'Do bats eat +cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it +didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she was +dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was walking hand +in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly, 'Now, +Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?' when suddenly, +thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, +and the fall was over.</p> + +<p>Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in +a moment: she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her +was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in +sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away +went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as +it turned a corner, 'Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's +getting!' She was close behind it when she turned the corner, but +the Rabbit was no longer to be seen: she found herself in a long, +low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the +roof.</p> + +<p>There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; +and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the +other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle, +wondering how she was ever to get out again.</p> + +<p>Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made +of solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key, +and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the +doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or +the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of +them. However, on the second time round, she came upon a low +curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little +door about fifteen inches high: she tried the little golden key +in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!</p> + +<p>Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small +passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and +looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. +How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about +among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but +she could not even get her head though the doorway; 'and even if +my head <i>would</i> go through,' thought poor Alice, 'it would +be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I +could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know +how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had +happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few +things indeed were really impossible.</p> + +<p>There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so +she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another +key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up +like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, +('which certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round +the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words 'DRINK +ME' beautifully printed on it in large letters.</p> + +<p>It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but the wise little +Alice was not going to do <i>that</i> in a hurry. 'No, I'll look +first,' she said, 'and see whether it's marked "<i>poison</i>" or +not'; for she had read several nice little histories about +children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other +unpleasant things, all because they <i>would</i> not remember the +simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a +red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if +you cut your finger <i>very</i> deeply with a knife, it usually +bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from +a bottle marked '<i>poison</i>,' it is almost certain to disagree +with you, sooner or later.</p> + +<p>However, this bottle was <i>not</i> marked 'poison,' so Alice +ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, +a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, +roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon +finished it off.</p> + +<p class="asterisks"> +<br> +* * * * * +<br> +* * * * +<br> +* * * * * +<br> +</p> + +<p>'What a curious feeling!' said Alice; 'I must be shutting up +like a telescope.'</p> + +<p>And so it was indeed: she was now only ten inches high, and +her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right +size for going through the little door into that lovely garden. +First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was +going to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about +this; 'for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, 'in my +going out altogether, like a candle. I wonder what I should be +like then?' And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is +like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember +ever having seen such a thing.</p> + +<p>After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided +on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when +she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little +golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found +she could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly +through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the +legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had +tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and +cried.</p> + +<p>'Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to +herself, rather sharply; 'I advise you to leave off this minute!' +She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very +seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so +severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered +trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game +of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious +child was very fond of pretending to be two people. 'But it's no +use now,' thought poor Alice, 'to pretend to be two people! Why, +there's hardly enough of me left to make <i>one</i> respectable +person!'</p> + +<p>Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under +the table: she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on +which the words 'EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants. +'Well, I'll eat it,' said Alice, 'and if it makes me grow larger, +I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep +under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I +don't care which happens!'</p> + +<p>She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, 'Which +way? Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to feel +which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find +that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally +happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the +way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, +that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the +common way.</p> + +<p>So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.</p> + +<p class="asterisks"> +<br> +* * * * * +<br> +* * * * +<br> +* * * * * +<br> +</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER II</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">The Pool of Tears</h3> + +<p>'Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much +surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good +English); 'now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that +ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her feet, +they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so far +off). 'Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your +shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I'm sure <i>I</i> shan't +be able! I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself +about you: you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be +kind to them,' thought Alice, 'or perhaps they won't walk the way +I want to go! Let me see: I'll give them a new pair of boots +every Christmas.'</p> + +<p>And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. +'They must go by the carrier,' she thought; 'and how funny it'll +seem, sending presents to one's own feet! And how odd the +directions will look!</p> + +<blockquote><i>ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.</i> +<p><i>HEARTHRUG,</i></p> + +<p><i>NEAR THE FENDER,</i></p> + +<p><i>(WITH ALICE'S LOVE).</i></p> +</blockquote> + +<p>Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'</p> + +<p>Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall: in +fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took +up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.</p> + +<p>Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one +side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get +through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began to +cry again.</p> + +<p>'You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, 'a great +girl like you,' (she might well say this), 'to go on crying in +this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!' But she went on all the +same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all +round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the +hall.</p> + +<p>After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the +distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. +It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a +pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the +other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to +himself as he came, 'Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! +<i>won't</i> she be savage if I've kept her waiting!' Alice felt +so desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when +the Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, 'If +you please, sir--' The Rabbit started violently, dropped the +white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness +as hard as he could go.</p> + +<p>Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very +hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: +'Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things +went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed in the +night? Let me think: <i>was</i> I the same when I got up this +morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little +different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in +the world am I? Ah, <i>that's</i> the great puzzle!' And she +began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the +same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for +any of them.</p> + +<p>'I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, 'for her hair goes in such +long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm +sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, +oh! she knows such a very little! Besides, <i>she's</i> she, and +<i>I'm</i> I, and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I +know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five +is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven +is--oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, +the Multiplication Table doesn't signify: let's try Geography. +London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of Rome, +and Rome--no, <i>that's</i> all wrong, I'm certain! I must have +been changed for Mabel! I'll try and say "<i>How doth the +little--</i>"' and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she +were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice +sounded hoarse and strange, and the words did not come the same +as they used to do:--</p> + +<blockquote><i>'How doth the little crocodile</i> +<p><i>Improve his shining tail,</i></p> + +<p><i>And pour the waters of the Nile</i></p> + +<p><i>On every golden scale!</i></p> + +<p><i><br> +'How cheerfully he seems to grin,</i></p> + +<p><i>How neatly spread his claws,</i></p> + +<p><i>And welcome little fishes in</i></p> + +<p><i>With gently smiling jaws!</i>'</p> +</blockquote> + +<p>'I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and +her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, 'I must be Mabel +after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little +house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so +many lessons to learn! No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm +Mabel, I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their +heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!" I shall only look up +and say "Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like +being that person, I'll come up: if not, I'll stay down here till +I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a sudden +burst of tears, 'I do wish they <i>would</i> put their heads +down! I am so <i>very</i> tired of being all alone here!'</p> + +<p>As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was +surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little +white kid gloves while she was talking. 'How <i>can</i> I have +done that?' she thought. 'I must be growing small again.' She got +up and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found +that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet +high, and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon found out that +the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it +hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.</p> + +<p>'That <i>was</i> a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal +frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself +still in existence; 'and now for the garden!' and she ran with +all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was +shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass +table as before, 'and things are worse than ever,' thought the +poor child, 'for I never was so small as this before, never! And +I declare it's too bad, that it is!'</p> + +<p>As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another +moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first +idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that +case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had +been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general +conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find +a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in +the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and +behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that +she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine +feet high.</p> + +<p>'I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam +about, trying to find her way out. 'I shall be punished for it +now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That +<i>will</i> be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is +queer to-day.'</p> + +<p>Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a +little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was: at +first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then +she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that +it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.</p> + +<p>'Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, 'to speak to +this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I +should think very likely it can talk: at any rate, there's no +harm in trying.' So she began: 'O Mouse, do you know the way out +of this pool? I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!' +(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse: +she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having +seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, 'A mouse--of a mouse--to a +mouse--a mouse--O mouse!') The Mouse looked at her rather +inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little +eyes, but it said nothing.</p> + +<p>'Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; 'I +daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the +Conqueror.' (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no +very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.) So she +began again: 'Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in +her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the +water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright. 'Oh, I beg your +pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor +animal's feelings. 'I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'</p> + +<p>'Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate +voice. 'Would <i>you</i> like cats if you were me?'</p> + +<p>'Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone: 'don't be +angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I +think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. She +is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself, as +she swam lazily about in the pool, 'and she sits purring so +nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and +she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital +one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again, +for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt +certain it must be really offended. 'We won't talk about her any +more if you'd rather not.'</p> + +<p>'We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the +end of his tail. 'As if I would talk on such a subject! Our +family always <i>hated</i> cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! Don't +let me hear the name again!'</p> + +<p>'I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the +subject of conversation. 'Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?' +The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 'There is +such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you! +A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly +brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and it'll +sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of things--I can't +remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you know, and +he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds! He says it +kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a sorrowful +tone, 'I'm afraid I've offended it again!' For the Mouse was +swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a +commotion in the pool as it went.</p> + +<p>So she called softly after it, 'Mouse dear! Do come back +again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't +like them!' When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam +slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice +thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, 'Let us get to +the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll +understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'</p> + +<p>It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded +with the birds and animals that had fallen into it: there were a +Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious +creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the +shore.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER III</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale</h3> + +<p>They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the +bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their +fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and +uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>The first question of course was, how to get dry again: they +had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed +quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with +them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had +quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, +and would only say, 'I am older than you, and must know better'; +and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was, +and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no +more to be said.</p> + +<p>At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority +among them, called out, 'Sit down, all of you, and listen to me! +<i>I'll</i> soon make you dry enough!' They all sat down at once, +in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept her +eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a +bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.</p> + +<p>'Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, 'are you all +ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round, if you +please! "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by the +pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted leaders, +and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. +Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"'</p> + +<p>'Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.</p> + +<p>'I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very +politely: 'Did you speak?'</p> + +<p>'Not I!' said the Lory hastily.</p> + +<p>'I thought you did,' said the Mouse. '--I proceed. "Edwin and +Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him: +and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found +it advisable--"'</p> + +<p>'Found <i>what</i>?' said the Duck.</p> + +<p>'Found <i>it</i>,' the Mouse replied rather crossly: 'of +course you know what "it" means.'</p> + +<p>'I know what "it" means well enough, when <i>I</i> find a +thing,' said the Duck: 'it's generally a frog or a worm. The +question is, what did the archbishop find?'</p> + +<p>The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on, +'"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William +and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first was moderate. +But the insolence of his Normans--" How are you getting on now, +my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke.</p> + +<p>'As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone: 'it doesn't +seem to dry me at all.'</p> + +<p>'In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 'I +move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more +energetic remedies--'</p> + +<p>'Speak English!' said the Eaglet. 'I don't know the meaning of +half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do +either!' And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile: some +of the other birds tittered audibly.</p> + +<p>'What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone, +'was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a +Caucus-race.'</p> + +<p>'What <i>is</i> a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she +wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought +that <i>somebody</i> ought to speak, and no one else seemed +inclined to say anything.</p> + +<p>'Why,' said the Dodo, 'the best way to explain it is to do +it.' (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some +winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)</p> + +<p>First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ('the +exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party +were placed along the course, here and there. There was no 'One, +two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked, +and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know +when the race was over. However, when they had been running half +an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called +out 'The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting, +and asking, 'But who has won?'</p> + +<p>This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal +of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed +upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see +Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in +silence. At last the Dodo said, '<i>everybody</i> has won, and +<i>all</i> must have prizes.'</p> + +<p>'But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices +asked.</p> + +<p>'Why, <i>she</i>, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice +with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, +calling out in a confused way, 'Prizes! Prizes!'</p> + +<p>Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand +in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt +water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes. +There was exactly one a-piece all round.</p> + +<p>'But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the +Mouse.</p> + +<p>'Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely. 'What else have +you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.</p> + +<p>'Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.</p> + +<p>'Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.</p> + +<p>Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo +solemnly presented the thimble, saying 'We beg your acceptance of +this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short +speech, they all cheered.</p> + +<p>Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked +so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not +think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble, +looking as solemn as she could.</p> + +<p>The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some noise +and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not +taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on +the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again +in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.</p> + +<p>'You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice, +'and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half +afraid that it would be offended again.</p> + +<p>'Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to +Alice, and sighing.</p> + +<p>'It <i>is</i> a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with +wonder at the Mouse's tail; 'but why do you call it sad?' And she +kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so that +her idea of the tale was something like this:--</p> + +<p>'Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the house, "Let us both +go to law: I will prosecute <i>you</i>. --Come, I'll take no +denial; We must have a trial: For really this morning I've +nothing to do." Said the mouse to the cur, "Such a trial, dear +Sir, With no jury or judge, would be wasting our breath." "I'll be +judge, I'll be jury," said cunning old Fury: "I'll try the whole +cause, and condemn you to death."'</p> + +<p>'You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely. +'What are you thinking of?'</p> + +<p>'I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly: 'you had got to +the fifth bend, I think?'</p> + +<p>'I had <i>not</i>!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very +angrily.</p> + +<p>'A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and +looking anxiously about her. 'Oh, do let me help to undo it!'</p> + +<p>'I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up +and walking away. 'You insult me by talking such nonsense!'</p> + +<p>'I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice. 'But you're so easily +offended, you know!'</p> + +<p>The Mouse only growled in reply.</p> + +<p>'Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after +it; and the others all joined in chorus, 'Yes, please do!' but +the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little +quicker.</p> + +<p>'What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it +was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of +saying to her daughter 'Ah, my dear! Let this be a lesson to you +never to lose <i>your</i> temper!' 'Hold your tongue, Ma!' said +the young Crab, a little snappishly. 'You're enough to try the +patience of an oyster!'</p> + +<p>'I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud, +addressing nobody in particular. 'She'd soon fetch it back!'</p> + +<p>'And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?' +said the Lory.</p> + +<p>Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about +her pet: 'Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital one for +catching mice you can't think! And oh, I wish you could see her +after the birds! Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at +it!'</p> + +<p>This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party. +Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie began +wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, 'I really must be +getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary +called out in a trembling voice to its children, 'Come away, my +dears! It's high time you were all in bed!' On various pretexts +they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.</p> + +<p>'I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a +melancholy tone. 'Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm +sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder +if I shall ever see you any more!' And here poor Alice began to +cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little +while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps +in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the +Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his +story.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER IV</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill</h3> + +<p>It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and +looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something; +and she heard it muttering to itself 'The Duchess! The Duchess! +Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed, +as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where <i>can</i> I have dropped +them, I wonder?' Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking +for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very +good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were +nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her +swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and +the little door, had vanished completely.</p> + +<p>Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about, +and called out to her in an angry tone, 'Why, Mary Ann, what +<i>are</i> you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me +a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!' And Alice was so much +frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed +to, without trying to explain the mistake it had made.</p> + +<p>'He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she +ran. 'How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd +better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.' +As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door +of which was a bright brass plate with the name 'W. RABBIT' +engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried +upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, +and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and +gloves.</p> + +<p>'How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, 'to be going +messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on +messages next!' And she began fancying the sort of thing that +would happen: '"Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready for +your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse! But I've got to see that +the mouse doesn't get out." Only I don't think,' Alice went on, +'that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering +people about like that!'</p> + +<p>By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room +with a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan +and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up the +fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the +room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the +looking- glass. There was no label this time with the words +'DRINK ME,' but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her +lips. 'I know <i>something</i> interesting is sure to happen,' +she said to herself, 'whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll +just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow +large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny +little thing!'</p> + +<p>It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected: +before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing +against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being +broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself +'That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I +can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so +much!'</p> + +<p>Alas! it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and +growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor: in another +minute there was not even room for this, and she tried the effect +of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the other arm +curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, as a last +resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the +chimney, and said to herself 'Now I can do no more, whatever +happens. What <i>will</i> become of me?'</p> + +<p>Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its +full effect, and she grew no larger: still it was very +uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of +her ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt +unhappy.</p> + +<p>'It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, 'when +one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered +about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn't gone down that +rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know, +this sort of life! I do wonder what <i>can</i> have happened to +me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing +never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one! There +ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I +grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a +sorrowful tone; 'at least there's no room to grow up any more +<i>here</i>.'</p> + +<p>'But then,' thought Alice, 'shall I <i>never</i> get any older +than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old +woman-- but then--always to have lessons to learn! Oh, I +shouldn't like <i>that</i>!'</p> + +<p>'Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself. 'How can you +learn lessons in here? Why, there's hardly room for you, and no +room at all for any lesson-books!'</p> + +<p>And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, +and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few +minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.</p> + +<p>'Mary Ann! Mary Ann!' said the voice. 'Fetch me my gloves this +moment!' Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. +Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and she +trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she was +now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no +reason to be afraid of it.</p> + +<p>Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open +it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was +pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice +heard it say to itself 'Then I'll go round and get in at the +window.'</p> + +<p>'<i>That</i> you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till +she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she +suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She +did not get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a +fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that +it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or +something of the sort.</p> + +<p>Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--'Pat! Pat! Where are +you?' And then a voice she had never heard before, 'Sure then I'm +here! Digging for apples, yer honour!'</p> + +<p>'Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily. 'Here! +Come and help me out of <i>this</i>!' (Sounds of more broken +glass.)</p> + +<p>'Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'</p> + +<p>'Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!' (He pronounced it +'arrum.')</p> + +<p>'An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills +the whole window!'</p> + +<p>'Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm for all that.'</p> + +<p>'Well, it's got no business there, at any rate: go and take it +away!'</p> + +<p>There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear +whispers now and then; such as, 'Sure, I don't like it, yer +honour, at all, at all!' 'Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at +last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in +the air. This time there were <i>two</i> little shrieks, and more +sounds of broken glass. 'What a number of cucumber-frames there +must be!' thought Alice. 'I wonder what they'll do next! As for +pulling me out of the window, I only wish they <i>could</i>! I'm +sure I don't want to stay in here any longer!'</p> + +<p>She waited for some time without hearing anything more: at +last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a +good many voices all talking together: she made out the words: +'Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one; +Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up +at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half +high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be +particular-- Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof +bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down! Heads below!' +(a loud crash)--'Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's +to go down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! <i>you</i> do it!--That I +won't, then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says +you're to go down the chimney!'</p> + +<p>'Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said +Alice to herself. 'Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill! I +wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal: this fireplace is +narrow, to be sure; but I <i>think</i> I can kick a little!'</p> + +<p>She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and +waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what +sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close +above her: then, saying to herself 'This is Bill,' she gave one +sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.</p> + +<p>The first thing she heard was a general chorus of 'There goes +Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--'Catch him, you by the +hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--'Hold +up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow? +What happened to you? Tell us all about it!'</p> + +<p>Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, ('That's Bill,' +thought Alice,) 'Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm +better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know +is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes +like a sky-rocket!'</p> + +<p>'So you did, old fellow!' said the others.</p> + +<p>'We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and +Alice called out as loud as she could, 'If you do. I'll set Dinah +at you!'</p> + +<p>There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to +herself, 'I wonder what they <i>will</i> do next! If they had any +sense, they'd take the roof off.' After a minute or two, they +began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, 'A +barrowful will do, to begin with.'</p> + +<p>'A barrowful of <i>what</i>?' thought Alice; but she had not +long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles +came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the +face. 'I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted +out, 'You'd better not do that again!' which produced another +dead silence.</p> + +<p>Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all +turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright +idea came into her head. 'If I eat one of these cakes,' she +thought, 'it's sure to make <i>some</i> change in my size; and as +it can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I +suppose.'</p> + +<p>So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find +that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small +enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and +found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. +The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by +two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle. +They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she +ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a +thick wood.</p> + +<p>'The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as +she wandered about in the wood, 'is to grow to my right size +again; and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely +garden. I think that will be the best plan.'</p> + +<p>It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and +simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the +smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering +about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over +her head made her look up in a great hurry.</p> + +<p>An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round +eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her. +'Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried +hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the +time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it +would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her +coaxing.</p> + +<p>Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of +stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped +into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, +and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice +dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run +over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy +made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in +its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very +like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every +moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle +again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the +stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long +way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat +down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its +mouth, and its great eyes half shut.</p> + +<p>This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape; +so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out +of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the +distance.</p> + +<p>'And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she +leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself +with one of the leaves: 'I should have liked teaching it tricks +very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it! Oh dear! +I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again! Let me +see--how <i>is</i> it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or drink +something or other; but the great question is, what?'</p> + +<p>The great question certainly was, what? Alice looked all round +her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see +anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under +the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, +about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under +it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her +that she might as well look and see what was on the top of +it.</p> + +<p>She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge +of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large +caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded, +quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice +of her or of anything else.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER V</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">Advice from a Caterpillar</h3> + +<p>The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time +in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its +mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.</p> + +<p>'Who are <i>you</i>?' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice +replied, rather shyly, 'I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- +at least I know who I <i>was</i> when I got up this morning, but I think +I must have been changed several times since then.'</p> + +<p>'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. +'Explain yourself!'</p> + +<p>'I can't explain <i>myself</i>, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, +'because I'm not myself, you see.'</p> + +<p>'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very +politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and +being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'</p> + +<p>'It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; 'but +when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you +know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll +feel it a little queer, won't you?'</p> + +<p>'Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice; +'all I know is, it would feel very queer to <i>me</i>.'</p> + +<p>'You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 'Who are +<i>you</i>?'</p> + +<p>Which brought them back again to the beginning of the +conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's +making such <i>very</i> short remarks, and she drew herself up +and said, very gravely, 'I think, you ought to tell me who +<i>you</i> are, first.'</p> + +<p>'Why?' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not +think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in +a <i>very</i> unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.</p> + +<p>'Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her. 'I've something +important to say!'</p> + +<p>This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back +again.</p> + +<p>'Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well +as she could.</p> + +<p>'No,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else +to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth +hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at +last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth +again, and said, 'So you think you're changed, do you?'</p> + +<p>'I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; 'I can't remember things +as I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes +together!'</p> + +<p>'Can't remember <i>what</i> things?' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Well, I've tried to say "<i>How doth the little busy +bee,</i>" but it all came different!' Alice replied in a very +melancholy voice.</p> + +<p>'Repeat, "<i>you are old, Father William,</i>"' said the +Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>Alice folded her hands, and began:--</p> + +<p><i>'You are old, Father William,' the young man said, 'And +your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on +your head-- Do you think, at your age, it is right?'</i></p> + +<p><i>'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son, 'I feared +it might injure the brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I +have none, Why, I do it again and again.'</i></p> + +<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before, And +have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault +in at the door-- Pray, what is the reason of that?'</i></p> + +<p><i>'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, +'I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment--one +shilling the box-- Allow me to sell you a couple?'</i></p> + +<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak +For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with +the bones and the beak-- Pray how did you manage to do +it?'</i></p> + +<p><i>'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law, And +argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which +it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life.'</i></p> + +<p><i>'You are old,' said the youth, 'one would hardly suppose +That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on +the end of your nose-- What made you so awfully clever?'</i></p> + +<p><i>'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,' Said +his father; 'don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen +all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down +stairs!'</i></p> + +<p>'That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Not <i>quite</i> right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; +'some of the words have got altered.'</p> + +<p>'It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar +decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.</p> + +<p>The Caterpillar was the first to speak.</p> + +<p>'What size do you want to be?' it asked.</p> + +<p>'Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied; +'only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'</p> + +<p>'I <i>don't</i> know,' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in +her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.</p> + +<p>'Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.</p> + +<p>'Well, I should like to be a <i>little</i> larger, sir, if you +wouldn't mind,' said Alice: 'three inches is such a wretched +height to be.'</p> + +<p>'It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar +angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three +inches high).</p> + +<p>'But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous +tone. And she thought of herself, 'I wish the creatures wouldn't +be so easily offended!'</p> + +<p>'You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it +put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.</p> + +<p>This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak +again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of +its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got +down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely +remarking as it went, 'One side will make you grow taller, and +the other side will make you grow shorter.'</p> + +<p>'One side of <i>what</i>? The other side of <i>what</i>?' +thought Alice to herself.</p> + +<p>'Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had +asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.</p> + +<p>Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a +minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as +it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. +However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they +would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.</p> + +<p>'And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a +little of the right-hand bit to try the effect: the next moment +she felt a violent blow underneath her chin: it had struck her +foot!</p> + +<p>She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but +she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking +rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit. +Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was +hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and +managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.</p> + +<p align="Center">* * * * *</p> + +<p>'Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of +delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she +found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she could +see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which +seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay +far below her.</p> + +<p>'What <i>can</i> all that green stuff be?' said Alice. 'And +where <i>have</i> my shoulders got to? And oh, my poor hands, how +is it I can't see you?' She was moving them about as she spoke, +but no result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the +distant green leaves.</p> + +<p>As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her +head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted +to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction, +like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a +graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which +she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she +had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a +hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating +her violently with its wings.</p> + +<p>'Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.</p> + +<p>'I'm <i>not</i> a serpent!' said Alice indignantly. 'Let me +alone!'</p> + +<p>'Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more +subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, 'I've tried every +way, and nothing seems to suit them!'</p> + +<p>'I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said +Alice.</p> + +<p>'I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've +tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; 'but +those serpents! There's no pleasing them!'</p> + +<p>Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no +use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.</p> + +<p>'As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the +Pigeon; 'but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and +day! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'</p> + +<p>'I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was +beginning to see its meaning.</p> + +<p>'And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' +continued the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, 'and just as +I was thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs +come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!'</p> + +<p>'But I'm <i>not</i> a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice. 'I'm +a--I'm a--'</p> + +<p>'Well! <i>what</i> are you?' said the Pigeon. 'I can see +you're trying to invent something!'</p> + +<p>'I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she +remembered the number of changes she had gone through that +day.</p> + +<p>'A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the +deepest contempt. 'I've seen a good many little girls in my time, +but never <i>one</i> with such a neck as that! No, no! You're a +serpent; and there's no use denying it. I suppose you'll be +telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'</p> + +<p>'I <i>have</i> tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a +very truthful child; 'but little girls eat eggs quite as much as +serpents do, you know.'</p> + +<p>'I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; 'but if they do, why +then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'</p> + +<p>This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent +for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of +adding, 'You're looking for eggs, I know <i>that</i> well enough; +and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a +serpent?'</p> + +<p>'It matters a good deal to <i>me</i>,' said Alice hastily; +'but I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I +shouldn't want <i>yours</i>: I don't like them raw.'</p> + +<p>'Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it +settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down among the +trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled +among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and +untwist it. After a while she remembered that she still held the +pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very +carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and +growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had +succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.</p> + +<p>It was so long since she had been anything near the right +size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it +in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. 'Come, +there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes +are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to +another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing +is, to get into that beautiful garden--how <i>is</i> that to be +done, I wonder?' As she said this, she came suddenly upon an open +place, with a little house in it about four feet high. 'Whoever +lives there,' thought Alice, 'it'll never do to come upon them +<i>this</i> size: why, I should frighten them out of their wits!' +So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not +venture to go near the house till she had brought herself down to +nine inches high.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VI</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">Pig and Pepper</h3> + +<p>For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and +wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came +running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman +because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, +she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door +with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, +with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, +Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their +heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and +crept a little way out of the wood to listen.</p> + +<p>The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great +letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to +the other, saying, in a solemn tone, 'For the Duchess. An +invitation from the Queen to play croquet.' The Frog-Footman +repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the +words a little, 'From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to +play croquet.'</p> + +<p>Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled +together.</p> + +<p>Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into +the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped +out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the +ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.</p> + +<p>Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.</p> + +<p>'There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, 'and +that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the +door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise +inside, no one could possibly hear you.' And certainly there was +a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling +and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish +or kettle had been broken to pieces.</p> + +<p>'Please, then,' said Alice, 'how am I to get in?'</p> + +<p>'There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went +on without attending to her, 'if we had the door between us. For +instance, if you were <i>inside</i>, you might knock, and I could +let you out, you know.' He was looking up into the sky all the +time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. +'But perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; 'his eyes +are so <i>very</i> nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate +he might answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, +aloud.</p> + +<p>'I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, 'till +tomorrow--'</p> + +<p>At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate +came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head: it just grazed +his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees behind +him.</p> + +<p>'--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same +tone, exactly as if nothing had happened.</p> + +<p>'How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.</p> + +<p>'<i>Are</i> you to get in at all?' said the Footman. 'That's +the first question, you know.'</p> + +<p>It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like to be told so. 'It's +really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, 'the way all the +creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy!'</p> + +<p>The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for +repeating his remark, with variations. 'I shall sit here,' he +said, 'on and off, for days and days.'</p> + +<p>'But what am I to do?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Anything you like,' said the Footman, and began +whistling.</p> + +<p>'Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice +desperately: 'he's perfectly idiotic!' And she opened the door +and went in.</p> + +<p>The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of +smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess was sitting on a +three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was +leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to +be full of soup.</p> + +<p>'There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said +to herself, as well as she could for sneezing.</p> + +<p>There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the +Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was +sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The +only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, +and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from +ear to ear.</p> + +<p>'Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for +she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to +speak first, 'why your cat grins like that?'</p> + +<p>'It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, 'and that's why. +Pig!'</p> + +<p>She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice +quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed +to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on +again:--</p> + +<p>'I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I +didn't know that cats <i>could</i> grin.'</p> + +<p>'They all can,' said the Duchess; 'and most of 'em do.'</p> + +<p>'I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely, +feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.</p> + +<p>'You don't know much,' said the Duchess; 'and that's a +fact.'</p> + +<p>Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought +it would be as well to introduce some other subject of +conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took +the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work +throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby +--the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans, +plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them even when +they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it +was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.</p> + +<p>'Oh, <i>please</i> mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, +jumping up and down in an agony of terror. 'Oh, there goes his +<i>precious</i> nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close +by it, and very nearly carried it off.</p> + +<p>'If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in +a hoarse growl, 'the world would go round a deal faster than it +does.'</p> + +<p>'Which would <i>not</i> be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt +very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her +knowledge. 'Just think of what work it would make with the day +and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn +round on its axis--'</p> + +<p>'Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, 'chop off her head!'</p> + +<p>Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she +meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the +soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: +'Twenty-four hours, I <i>think</i>; or is it twelve? I--'</p> + +<p>'Oh, don't bother <i>me</i>,' said the Duchess; 'I never could abide +figures!' And with that she began nursing her child again, +singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a +violent shake at the end of every line:</p> + +<p align="Center"><i>'Speak roughly to your little boy,</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>And beat him when he sneezes:</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>He only does it to annoy,</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>Because he knows it teases.'</i></p> + +<p align="Center">CHORUS</p> + +<p>(In which the cook and the baby joined):--</p> + +<p align="Center">'Wow! wow! wow!'</p> + +<p>While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept +tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing +howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:--</p> + +<p align="Center"><i>'I speak severely to my boy,</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>I beat him when he sneezes;</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>For he can thoroughly enjoy</i></p> + +<p align="Center"><i>The pepper when he pleases!'</i></p> + +<p align="Center">CHORUS</p> + +<p align="Center">'Wow! wow! wow!'</p> + +<p>'Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said +to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 'I must go and +get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of +the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out, +but it just missed her.</p> + +<p>Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer- +shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all +directions, 'just like a star-fish,' thought Alice. The poor +little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it, +and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, +so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much +as she could do to hold it.</p> + +<p>As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it, +(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep +tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its +undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. '<i>If</i> +I don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, 'they're +sure to kill it in a day or two: wouldn't it be murder to leave +it behind?' She said the last words out loud, and the little +thing grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time). +'Don't grunt,' said Alice; 'that's not at all a proper way of +expressing yourself.'</p> + +<p>The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into +its face to see what was the matter with it. There could be no +doubt that it had a <i>very</i> turn-up nose, much more like a +snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely +small for a baby: altogether Alice did not like the look of the +thing at all. 'But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and +looked into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.</p> + +<p>No, there were no tears. 'If you're going to turn into a pig, +my dear,' said Alice, seriously, 'I'll have nothing more to do +with you. Mind now!' The poor little thing sobbed again (or +grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for +some while in silence.</p> + +<p>Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 'Now, what am I +to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted +again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some +alarm. This time there could be <i>no</i> mistake about it: it +was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would +be quite absurd for her to carry it further.</p> + +<p>So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved +to see it trot away quietly into the wood. 'If it had grown up,' +she said to herself, 'it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: +but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.' And she began +thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as +pigs, and was just saying to herself, 'if one only knew the right +way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing +the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards +off.</p> + +<p>The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- +natured, she thought: still it had <i>very</i> long claws and a +great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with +respect.</p> + +<p>'Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at +all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned +a little wider. 'Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and +she went on. 'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go +from here?'</p> + +<p>'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said +the Cat.</p> + +<p>'I don't much care where--' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.</p> + +<p>'--so long as I get <i>somewhere</i>,' Alice added as an +explanation.</p> + +<p>'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk +long enough.'</p> + +<p>Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another +question. 'What sort of people live about here?'</p> + +<p>'In <i>that</i> direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw +round, 'lives a Hatter: and in <i>that</i> direction,' waving the +other paw, 'lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're +both mad.'</p> + +<p>'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.</p> + +<p>'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. +I'm mad. You're mad.'</p> + +<p>'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come +here.'</p> + +<p>Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on +'And how do you know that you're mad?'</p> + +<p>'To begin with,' said the Cat, 'a dog's not mad. You grant +that?'</p> + +<p>'I suppose so,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Well, then,' the Cat went on, 'you see, a dog growls when +it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when +I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm +mad.'</p> + +<p>'I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Call it what you like,' said the Cat. 'Do you play croquet +with the Queen to-day?'</p> + +<p>'I should like it very much,' said Alice, 'but I haven't been +invited yet.'</p> + +<p>'You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.</p> + +<p>Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used +to queer things happening. While she was looking at the place +where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.</p> + +<p>'By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat. 'I'd +nearly forgotten to ask.'</p> + +<p>'It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had +come back in a natural way.</p> + +<p>'I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.</p> + +<p>Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it +did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the +direction in which the March Hare was said to live. 'I've seen +hatters before,' she said to herself; 'the March Hare will be +much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be +raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.' As she said +this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a +branch of a tree.</p> + +<p>'Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.</p> + +<p>'I said pig,' replied Alice; 'and I wish you wouldn't keep +appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite +giddy.'</p> + +<p>'All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite +slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the +grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.</p> + +<p>'Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice; +'but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw +in my life!'</p> + +<p>She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the +house of the March Hare: she thought it must be the right house, +because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was +thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like +to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit +of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high: even then +she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself +'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd +gone to see the Hatter instead!'</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VII</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">A Mad Tea-Party</h3> + +<p>There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, +and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a +Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two +were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and +talking over its head. 'Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' +thought Alice; 'only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't +mind.'</p> + +<p>The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded +together at one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out +when they saw Alice coming. 'There's <i>plenty</i> of room!' said +Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one +end of the table.</p> + +<p>'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging +tone.</p> + +<p>Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it +but tea. 'I don't see any wine,' she remarked.</p> + +<p>'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice +angrily.</p> + +<p>'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being +invited,' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'I didn't know it was <i>your</i> table,' said Alice; 'it's +laid for a great many more than three.'</p> + +<p>'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been +looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was +his first speech.</p> + +<p>'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said +with some severity; 'it's very rude.'</p> + +<p>The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all +he <i>said</i> was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'</p> + +<p>'Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad +they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she +added aloud.</p> + +<p>'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to +it?' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'Exactly so,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went +on.</p> + +<p>'I do,' Alice hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what +I say--that's the same thing, you know.'</p> + +<p>'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just +as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat +what I see"!'</p> + +<p>'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that "I +like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'</p> + +<p>'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed +to be talking in his sleep, 'that "I breathe when I sleep" is the +same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'</p> + +<p>'It <i>is</i> the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and +here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a +minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about +ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.</p> + +<p>The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 'What day of +the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his +watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking +it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.</p> + +<p>Alice considered a little, and then said 'The fourth.'</p> + +<p>'Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter. 'I told you butter +wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March +Hare.</p> + +<p>'It was the <i>best</i> butter,' the March Hare meekly +replied.</p> + +<p>'Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter +grumbled: 'you shouldn't have put it in with the +bread-knife.'</p> + +<p>The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily: then +he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again: but he +could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, 'It +was the <i>best</i> butter, you know.'</p> + +<p>Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. +'What a funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the +month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'</p> + +<p>'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does <i>your</i> watch +tell you what year it is?'</p> + +<p>'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's +because it stays the same year for such a long time +together.'</p> + +<p>'Which is just the case with <i>mine</i>,' said the +Hatter.</p> + +<p>Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to +have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. +'I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she +could.</p> + +<p>'The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured +a little hot tea upon its nose.</p> + +<p>The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without +opening its eyes, 'Of course, of course; just what I was going to +remark myself.'</p> + +<p>'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to +Alice again.</p> + +<p>'No, I give it up,' Alice replied: 'what's the answer?'</p> + +<p>'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.</p> + +<p>'Nor I,' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>Alice sighed wearily. 'I think you might do something better +with the time,' she said, 'than waste it in asking riddles that +have no answers.'</p> + +<p>'If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, 'you +wouldn't talk about wasting <i>it</i>. It's <i>him</i>.'</p> + +<p>'I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head +contemptuously. 'I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'</p> + +<p>'Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied: 'but I know I have to +beat time when I learn music.'</p> + +<p>'Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter. 'He won't stand +beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do +almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose +it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: +you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the +clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'</p> + +<p>('I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a +whisper.)</p> + +<p>'That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully: +'but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'</p> + +<p>'Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter: 'but you could keep +it to half-past one as long as you liked.'</p> + +<p>'Is that the way <i>you</i> manage?' Alice asked.</p> + +<p>The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 'Not I!' he replied. 'We +quarrelled last March--just before <i>he</i> went mad, you +know--' (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) '--it +was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had +to sing</p> + +<p><i>"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!</i></p> + +<p><i>How I wonder what you're at!"</i></p> + +<p>You know the song, perhaps?'</p> + +<p>'I've heard something like it,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, 'in this +way:--</p> + +<p><i>"Up above the world you fly,</i></p> + +<p><i>Like a tea-tray in the sky.</i></p> + +<p><i>Twinkle, twinkle--"'</i></p> + +<p>Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep +'<i>Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--</i>' and went on so long +that they had to pinch it to make it stop.</p> + +<p>'Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter, +'when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the +time! Off with his head!"'</p> + +<p>'How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.</p> + +<p>'And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, +'he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'</p> + +<p>A bright idea came into Alice's head. 'Is that the reason so +many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.</p> + +<p>'Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: 'it's always +tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between +whiles.'</p> + +<p>'Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Exactly so,' said the Hatter: 'as the things get used +up.'</p> + +<p>'But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice +ventured to ask.</p> + +<p>'Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted, +yawning. 'I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells +us a story.'</p> + +<p>'I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at +the proposal.</p> + +<p>'Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried. 'Wake up, +Dormouse!' And they pinched it on both sides at once.</p> + +<p>The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. 'I wasn't asleep,' he +said in a hoarse, feeble voice: 'I heard every word you fellows +were saying.'</p> + +<p>'Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.</p> + +<p>'And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, 'or you'll be +asleep again before it's done.'</p> + +<p>'Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the +Dormouse began in a great hurry; 'and their names were Elsie, +Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'</p> + +<p>'What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great +interest in questions of eating and drinking.</p> + +<p>'They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a +minute or two.</p> + +<p>'They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently +remarked; 'they'd have been ill.'</p> + +<p>'So they were,' said the Dormouse; '<i>very</i> ill.'</p> + +<p>Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary +ways of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she +went on: 'But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'</p> + +<p>'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very +earnestly.</p> + +<p>'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so +I can't take more.'</p> + +<p>'You mean you can't take <i>less</i>,' said the Hatter: 'it's +very easy to take <i>more</i> than nothing.'</p> + +<p>'Nobody asked <i>your</i> opinion,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked +triumphantly.</p> + +<p>Alice did not quite know what to say to this: so she helped +herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the +Dormouse, and repeated her question. 'Why did they live at the +bottom of a well?'</p> + +<p>The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and +then said, 'It was a treacle-well.'</p> + +<p>'There's no such thing!' Alice was beginning very angrily, but +the Hatter and the March Hare went 'Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse +sulkily remarked, 'If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the +story for yourself.'</p> + +<p>'No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; 'I won't interrupt +again. I dare say there may be <i>one</i>.'</p> + +<p>'One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he +consented to go on. 'And so these three little sisters--they were +learning to draw, you know--'</p> + +<p>'What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her +promise.</p> + +<p>'Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this +time.</p> + +<p>'I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter: 'let's all move +one place on.'</p> + +<p>He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him: the +March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather +unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the +only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a +good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset +the milk-jug into his plate.</p> + +<p>Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began +very cautiously: 'But I don't understand. Where did they draw the +treacle from?'</p> + +<p>'You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; 'so +I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh, +stupid?'</p> + +<p>'But they were <i>in</i> the well,' Alice said to the +Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last remark.</p> + +<p>'Of course they were', said the Dormouse; '--well in.'</p> + +<p>This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse +go on for some time without interrupting it.</p> + +<p>'They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning +and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; 'and they +drew all manner of things--everything that begins with an +M--'</p> + +<p>'Why with an M?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Why not?' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>Alice was silent.</p> + +<p>The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going +off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up +again with a little shriek, and went on: '--that begins with an +M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness-- +you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever +see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'</p> + +<p>'Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, 'I +don't think--'</p> + +<p>'Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.</p> + +<p>This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got +up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep +instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her +going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that +they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were +trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.</p> + +<p>'At any rate I'll never go <i>there</i> again!' said Alice as +she picked her way through the wood. 'It's the stupidest +tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'</p> + +<p>Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a +door leading right into it. 'That's very curious!' she thought. +'But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at +once.' And in she went.</p> + +<p>Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the +little glass table. 'Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said +to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and +unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to +work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her +pocket) till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the +little passage: and <i>then</i>--she found herself at last in the +beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool +fountains.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER VIII</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">The Queen's Croquet-Ground</h3> + +<p>A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the +roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at +it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious +thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up +to them she heard one of them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go +splashing paint over me like that!'</p> + +<p>'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven +jogged my elbow.'</p> + +<p>On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always +lay the blame on others!'</p> + +<p><i>You'd</i> better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen +say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'</p> + +<p>'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.</p> + +<p>'That's none of <i>your</i> business, Two!' said Seven.</p> + +<p>'Yes, it <i>is</i> his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell +him--it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of +onions.'</p> + +<p>Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all +the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as +she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the +others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.</p> + +<p>'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you +are painting those roses?'</p> + +<p>Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a +low voice, 'Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to +have been a <i>red</i> rose-tree, and we put a white one in by +mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have +our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our +best, afore she comes, to--' At this moment Five, who had been +anxiously looking across the garden, called out 'The Queen! The +Queen!' and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat +upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice +looked round, eager to see the Queen.</p> + +<p>First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped +like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and +feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were +ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the +soldiers did. After these came the royal children; there were ten +of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in +hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came +the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice +recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous +manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without +noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the +King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this +grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.</p> + +<p>Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on +her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember +ever having heard of such a rule at processions; 'and besides, +what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, 'if people +had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see +it?' So she stood still where she was, and waited.</p> + +<p>When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped +and looked at her, and the Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She +said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in +reply.</p> + +<p>'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, +turning to Alice, she went on, 'What's your name, child?'</p> + +<p>'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very +politely; but she added, to herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of +cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'</p> + +<p>'And who are <i>these</i>?' said the Queen, pointing to the +three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, +as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs +was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether +they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her +own children.</p> + +<p>'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. +'It's no business of <i>mine</i>.'</p> + +<p>The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her +for a moment like a wild beast, screamed 'Off with her head! +Off--'</p> + +<p>'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the +Queen was silent.</p> + +<p>The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said +'Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'</p> + +<p>The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave +'Turn them over!'</p> + +<p>The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.</p> + +<p>'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the +three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the +King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.</p> + +<p>'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And +then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, 'What <i>have</i> +you been doing here?'</p> + +<p>'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, +going down on one knee as he spoke, 'we were trying--'</p> + +<p>'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the +roses. 'Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on, three +of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate +gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.</p> + +<p>'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a +large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered +about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly +marched off after the others.</p> + +<p>'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.</p> + +<p>'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the +soldiers shouted in reply.</p> + +<p>'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'</p> + +<p>The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question +was evidently meant for her.</p> + +<p>'Yes!' shouted Alice.</p> + +<p>'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the +procession, wondering very much what would happen next.</p> + +<p>'It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. +She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously +into her face.</p> + +<p>'Very,' said Alice: '--where's the Duchess?'</p> + +<p>'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He +looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised +himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and +whispered 'She's under sentence of execution.'</p> + +<p>'What for?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.</p> + +<p>'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. +I said "What for?"'</p> + +<p>'She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a +little scream of laughter. 'Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a +frightened tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she came +rather late, and the Queen said--'</p> + +<p>'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, +and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up +against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or +two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a +curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and +furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live +flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to +stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.</p> + +<p>The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her +flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, +comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, +but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened +out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it +<i>would</i> twist itself round and look up in her face, with +such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out +laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to +begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had +unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all +this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever +she wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up +soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of +the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very +difficult game indeed.</p> + +<p>The players all played at once without waiting for turns, +quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in +a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went +stamping about, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with +her head!' about once in a minute.</p> + +<p>Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as +yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might +happen any minute, 'and then,' thought she, 'what would become of +me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great +wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'</p> + +<p>She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering +whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a +curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, +but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a +grin, and she said to herself 'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall +have somebody to talk to.'</p> + +<p>'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was +mouth enough for it to speak with.</p> + +<p>Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no +use speaking to it,' she thought, 'till its ears have come, or at +least one of them.' In another minute the whole head appeared, +and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the +game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat +seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no +more of it appeared.</p> + +<p>'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in +rather a complaining tone, 'and they all quarrel so dreadfully +one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any +rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to +them--and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being +alive; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next +walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have +croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it +saw mine coming!'</p> + +<p>'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.</p> + +<p>'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely--' Just then she +noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she +went on, '--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing +the game.'</p> + +<p>The Queen smiled and passed on.</p> + +<p>'Who <i>are</i> you talking to?' said the King, going up to +Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.</p> + +<p>'It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me +to introduce it.'</p> + +<p>'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, +it may kiss my hand if it likes.'</p> + +<p>'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.</p> + +<p>'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me +like that!' He got behind Alice as he spoke.</p> + +<p>'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in +some book, but I don't remember where.'</p> + +<p>'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and +he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I +wish you would have this cat removed!'</p> + +<p>The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great +or small. 'Off with his head!' she said, without even looking +round.</p> + +<p>'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, +and he hurried off.</p> + +<p>Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game +was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, +screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three +of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and +she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in +such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or +not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.</p> + +<p>The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, +which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one +of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her +flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where +Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up +into a tree.</p> + +<p>By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, +the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: +'but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches +are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away +under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for +a little more conversation with her friend.</p> + +<p>When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to +find quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute +going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who +were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, +and looked very uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to +settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, +though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed +to make out exactly what they said.</p> + +<p>The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a +head unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had +never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin +at <i>his</i> time of life.</p> + +<p>The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could +be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.</p> + +<p>The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about +it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. +(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so +grave and anxious.)</p> + +<p>Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to +the Duchess: you'd better ask <i>her</i> about it.'</p> + +<p>'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch +her here.' And the executioner went off like an arrow.</p> + +<p>The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, +by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely +disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and +down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the +game.</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER IX</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">The Mock Turtle's Story</h3> + +<p>'You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old +thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately +into Alice's, and they walked off together.</p> + +<p>Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and +thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had +made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.</p> + +<p>'When <i>I'm</i> a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a +very hopeful tone though), 'I won't have any pepper in my kitchen +<i>at all</i>. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always +pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much +pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, 'and vinegar that +makes them sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and +barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I +only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about +it, you know--'</p> + +<p>She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a +little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. +'You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you +forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that +is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'</p> + +<p>'Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.</p> + +<p>'Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. 'Everything's got a +moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up +closer to Alice's side as she spoke.</p> + +<p>Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, +because the Duchess was <i>very</i> ugly; and secondly, because she was +exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, +and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like +to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.</p> + +<p>'The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of +keeping up the conversation a little.</p> + +<p>''Tis so,' said the Duchess: 'and the moral of that is--"Oh, +'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'</p> + +<p>'Somebody said,' Alice whispered, 'that it's done by everybody +minding their own business!'</p> + +<p>'Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, +digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, +'and the moral of <i>that</i> is--"Take care of the sense, and +the sounds will take care of themselves."'</p> + +<p>'How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought +to herself.</p> + +<p>'I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your +waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: 'the reason is, that I'm +doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the +experiment?'</p> + +<p>'<i>He</i> might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling +at all anxious to have the experiment tried.</p> + +<p>'Very true,' said the Duchess: 'flamingoes and mustard both +bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock +together."'</p> + +<p>'Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.</p> + +<p>'Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: 'what a clear way you +have of putting things!'</p> + +<p>'It's a mineral, I <i>think</i>,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree +to everything that Alice said; 'there's a large mustard-mine near +here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the +less there is of yours."'</p> + +<p>'Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this +last remark, 'it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it +is.'</p> + +<p>'I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; 'and the moral of +that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put +more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than +what it might appear to others that what you were or might have +been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared +to them to be otherwise."'</p> + +<p>'I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very +politely, 'if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it +as you say it.'</p> + +<p>'That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess +replied, in a pleased tone.</p> + +<p>'Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' +said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. 'I make you +a present of everything I've said as yet.'</p> + +<p>'A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. 'I'm glad they don't +give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say +it out loud.</p> + +<p>'Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her +sharp little chin.</p> + +<p>'I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was +beginning to feel a little worried.</p> + +<p>'Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, 'as pigs have to +fly; and the m--'</p> + +<p>But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died +away, even in the middle of her favourite word 'moral,' and the +arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, +and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, +frowning like a thunderstorm.</p> + +<p>'A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak +voice.</p> + +<p>'Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on +the ground as she spoke; 'either you or your head must be off, +and that in about half no time! Take your choice!'</p> + +<p>The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.</p> + +<p>'Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and +Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed +her back to the croquet-ground.</p> + +<p>The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, +and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, +they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a +moment's delay would cost them their lives.</p> + +<p>All the time they were playing the Queen never left off +quarrelling with the other players, and shouting 'Off with his +head!' or 'Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were +taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave +off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour +or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the +King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of +execution.</p> + +<p>Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to +Alice, 'Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'</p> + +<p>'No,' said Alice. 'I don't even know what a Mock Turtle +is.'</p> + +<p>'It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the +Queen.</p> + +<p>'I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Come on, then,' said the Queen, 'and he shall tell you his +history,'</p> + +<p>As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low +voice, to the company generally, 'You are all pardoned.' 'Come, +<i>that's</i> a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had +felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had +ordered.</p> + +<p>They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the +sun. (<i>If</i> you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) +'Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, 'and take this young lady to +see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and +see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, +leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like +the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would +be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage +Queen: so she waited.</p> + +<p>The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the +Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. 'What fun!' +said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.</p> + +<p>'What <i>is</i> the fun?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Why, <i>she</i>,' said the Gryphon. 'It's all her fancy, +that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!'</p> + +<p>'Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went +slowly after it: 'I never was so ordered about in all my life, +never!'</p> + +<p>They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the +distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, +as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart +would break. She pitied him deeply. 'What is his sorrow?' she +asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the +same words as before, 'It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no +sorrow, you know. Come on!'</p> + +<p>So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with +large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.</p> + +<p>'This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, 'she wants for to +know your history, she do.'</p> + +<p>'I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow +tone: 'sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've +finished.'</p> + +<p>So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice +thought to herself, 'I don't see how he can <i>even</i> finish, +if he doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.</p> + +<p>'Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, 'I was +a real Turtle.'</p> + +<p>These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only +by an occasional exclamation of 'Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and +the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very +nearly getting up and saying, 'Thank you, sir, for your +interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there +<i>must</i> be more to come, so she sat still and said +nothing.</p> + +<p>'When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more +calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, 'we went to +school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call +him Tortoise--'</p> + +<p>'Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice +asked.</p> + +<p>'We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock +Turtle angrily: 'really you are very dull!'</p> + +<p>'You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple +question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and +looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At +last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, 'Drive on, old fellow! +Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:</p> + +<p>'Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe +it--'</p> + +<p>'I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.</p> + +<p>'You did,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> + +<p>'Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could +speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.</p> + +<p>'We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school +every day--'</p> + +<p>'<i>I've</i> been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; 'you +needn't be so proud as all that.'</p> + +<p>'With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.</p> + +<p>'Yes,' said Alice, 'we learned French and music.'</p> + +<p>'And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.</p> + +<p>'Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.</p> + +<p>'Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock +Turtle in a tone of great relief. 'Now at <i>ours</i> they had at +the end of the bill, "French, music, <i>and +washing</i>--extra."'</p> + +<p>'You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; 'living at the +bottom of the sea.'</p> + +<p>'I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a +sigh. 'I only took the regular course.'</p> + +<p>'What was that?' inquired Alice.</p> + +<p>'Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock +Turtle replied; 'and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- +Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'</p> + +<p>'I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. +'What is it?'</p> + +<p>The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. 'What! Never +heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. 'You know what to beautify is, +I suppose?'</p> + +<p>'Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: 'it +means--to--make--anything--prettier.'</p> + +<p>'Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, 'if you don't know what to +uglify is, you <i>are</i> a simpleton.'</p> + +<p>Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about +it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said 'What else had you +to learn?'</p> + +<p>'Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting +off the subjects on his flappers, '--Mystery, ancient and modern, +with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old +conger-eel, that used to come once a week: <i>He</i> taught us +Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'</p> + +<p>'What was <i>that</i> like?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: 'I'm +too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'</p> + +<p>'Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: 'I went to the Classics +master, though. He was an old crab, <i>he</i> was.'</p> + +<p>'I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: 'he +taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'</p> + +<p>'So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; +and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.</p> + +<p>'And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in +a hurry to change the subject.</p> + +<p>'Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: 'nine the +next, and so on.'</p> + +<p>'What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.</p> + +<p>'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon +remarked: 'because they lessen from day to day.'</p> + +<p>This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a +little before she made her next remark. 'Then the eleventh day +must have been a holiday?'</p> + +<p>'Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> + +<p>'And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on +eagerly.</p> + +<p>'That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a +very decided tone: 'tell her something about the games now.'</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER X</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">The Lobster Quadrille</h3> + +<p>The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one +flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, +but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. 'Same as if he had +a bone in his throat,' said the Gryphon: and it set to work +shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle +recovered his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he +went on again:--</p> + +<p>'You may not have lived much under the sea--' ('I haven't,' +said Alice)-- 'and perhaps you were never even introduced to a +lobster--' (Alice began to say 'I once tasted--' but checked +herself hastily, and said 'No, never') '--so you can have no idea +what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'</p> + +<p>'No, indeed,' said Alice. 'What sort of a dance is it?'</p> + +<p>'Why,' said the Gryphon, 'you first form into a line along the +sea-shore--'</p> + +<p>'Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle. 'Seals, turtles, salmon, +and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of +the way--'</p> + +<p>'<i>That</i> generally takes some time,' interrupted the +Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'--you advance twice--'</p> + +<p>'Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'Of course,' the Mock Turtle said: 'advance twice, set to +partners--'</p> + +<p>'--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the +Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, 'you throw +the--'</p> + +<p>'The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the +air.</p> + +<p>'--as far out to sea as you can--'</p> + +<p>'Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'Turn a somersault in the sea!' cried the Mock Turtle, +capering wildly about.</p> + +<p>'Change lobster's again!' yelled the Gryphon at the top of its +voice.</p> + +<p>'Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said +the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two +creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all this +time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at +Alice.</p> + +<p>'It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.</p> + +<p>'Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock +Turtle.</p> + +<p>'Very much indeed,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to +the Gryphon. 'We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall +sing?'</p> + +<p>'Oh, <i>you</i> sing,' said the Gryphon. 'I've forgotten the +words.'</p> + +<p>So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every +now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and +waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle +sang this, very slowly and sadly:--</p> + +<p><i>'"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a +snail. "There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on +my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all +advance! They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join +the dance?</i></p> + +<p><i>Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the +dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join +the dance?</i></p> + +<p><i>"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be +When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to +sea!" But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look +askance-- Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not +join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would +not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, +could not join the dance.</i></p> + +<p><i>'"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied. +"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The +further off from England the nearer is to France-- Then turn not +pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.</i></p> + +<p><i>Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the +dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join +the dance?"'</i></p> + +<p>'Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said +Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last: 'and I do so +like that curious song about the whiting!'</p> + +<p>'Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, 'they--you've +seen them, of course?'</p> + +<p>'Yes,' said Alice, 'I've often seen them at dinn--' she +checked herself hastily.</p> + +<p>'I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, 'but +if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're +like.'</p> + +<p>'I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully. 'They have their +tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'</p> + +<p>'You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle: 'crumbs +would all wash off in the sea. But they <i>have</i> their tails +in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle yawned +and shut his eyes.--'Tell her about the reason and all that,' he +said to the Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'The reason is,' said the Gryphon, 'that they <i>would</i> go +with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. So +they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast in +their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. That's +all.'</p> + +<p>'Thank you,' said Alice, 'it's very interesting. I never knew +so much about a whiting before.'</p> + +<p>'I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the +Gryphon. 'Do you know why it's called a whiting?'</p> + +<p>'I never thought about it,' said Alice. 'Why?'</p> + +<p><i>'It does the boots and shoes.'</i> the Gryphon replied very +solemnly.</p> + +<p>Alice was thoroughly puzzled. 'Does the boots and shoes!' she +repeated in a wondering tone.</p> + +<p>'Why, what are <i>your</i> shoes done with?' said the Gryphon. +'I mean, what makes them so shiny?'</p> + +<p>Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she +gave her answer. 'They're done with blacking, I believe.'</p> + +<p>'Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep +voice, 'are done with a whiting. Now you know.'</p> + +<p>'And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great +curiosity.</p> + +<p>'Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather +impatiently: 'any shrimp could have told you that.'</p> + +<p>'If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were +still running on the song, 'I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep +back, please: we don't want <i>you</i> with us!"'</p> + +<p>'They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle +said: 'no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'</p> + +<p>'Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great +surprise.</p> + +<p>'Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle: 'why, if a fish came to +<i>me</i>, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With +what porpoise?"'</p> + +<p>'Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended +tone. And the Gryphon added 'Come, let's hear some of <i>your</i> +adventures.'</p> + +<p>'I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,' +said Alice a little timidly: 'but it's no use going back to +yesterday, because I was a different person then.'</p> + +<p>'Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.</p> + +<p>'No, no! The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an +impatient tone: 'explanations take such a dreadful time.'</p> + +<p>So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when +she first saw the White Rabbit. She was a little nervous about it +just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on each +side, and opened their eyes and mouths so <i>very</i> wide, but +she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly +quiet till she got to the part about her repeating <i>'You are +old, Father William,'</i> to the Caterpillar, and the words all +coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, +and said 'That's very curious.'</p> + +<p>'It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the +Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated +thoughtfully. 'I should like to hear her try and repeat something +now. Tell her to begin.' He looked at the Gryphon as if he +thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.</p> + +<p>'Stand up and repeat <i>"'Tis the voice of the sluggard,"'</i> +said the Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat +lessons!' thought Alice; 'I might as well be at school at once.' +However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so +full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was +saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--</p> + +<p>''Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, "You have +baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair." As a duck with its +eyelids, so he with his nose Trims his belt and his buttons, and +turns out his toes.'</p> + +<p>[later editions continued as follows When the sands are all +dry, he is gay as a lark, And will talk in contemptuous tones of +the Shark, But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, His +voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]</p> + +<p>'That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,' +said the Gryphon.</p> + +<p>'Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; 'but it +sounds uncommon nonsense.'</p> + +<p>Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her +hands, wondering if anything would <i>ever</i> happen in a +natural way again.</p> + +<p>'I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock +Turtle.</p> + +<p>'She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily. 'Go on with +the next verse.'</p> + +<p>'But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted. 'How +<i>could</i> he turn them out with his nose, you know?'</p> + +<p>'It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was +dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the +subject.</p> + +<p>'Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently: +'it begins "I passed by his garden."'</p> + +<p>Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would +all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--</p> + +<p><i>'I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye, How the +Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'</i></p> + +<p>[<tt>later editions continued as follows:</tt> <i>The Panther +took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, While the Owl had the dish +as its share of the treat. When the pie was all finished, the +Owl, as a boon, Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon: While +the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, And concluded +the banquet--</i>]</p> + +<p>'What <i>is</i> the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle +interrupted, 'if you don't explain it as you go on? It's by far +the most confusing thing I ever heard!'</p> + +<p>'Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon: and +Alice was only too glad to do so.</p> + +<p>'Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the +Gryphon went on. 'Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a +song?'</p> + +<p>'Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,' +Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather +offended tone, 'Hm! No accounting for tastes! Sing her "Turtle +Soup," will you, old fellow?'</p> + +<p>The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes +choked with sobs, to sing this:--</p> + +<p><i>'Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot +tureen! Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the +evening, beautiful Soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! +Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the +e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful Soup!</i></p> + +<p><i>'Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other +dish? Who would not give all else for two pennyworth only of +beautiful Soup? Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? Beau--ootiful +Soo--oop! Beau--ootiful Soo--oop! Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, +Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'</i></p> + +<p>'Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had +just begun to repeat it, when a cry of 'The trial's beginning!' +was heard in the distance.</p> + +<p>'Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, +it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.</p> + +<p>'What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon +only answered 'Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more +faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the +melancholy words:--</p> + +<p><i>'Soo--oop of the e--e--evening, Beautiful, beautiful +Soup!'</i></p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER XI</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">Who Stole the Tarts?</h3> + +<p>The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when +they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts +of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: +the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on +each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, +with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the +other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large +dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice +quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the trial done,' +she thought, 'and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed +to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about +her, to pass away the time.</p> + +<p>Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had +read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that +she knew the name of nearly everything there. 'That's the judge,' +she said to herself, 'because of his great wig.'</p> + +<p>The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown +over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he +did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly +not becoming.</p> + +<p>'And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, 'and those twelve +creatures,' (she was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because +some of them were animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they +are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over +to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and +rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the +meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done just as +well.</p> + +<p>The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. +'What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 'They +can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's +begun.'</p> + +<p>'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in +reply, 'for fear they should forget them before the end of the +trial.'</p> + +<p>'Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but +she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in +the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked +anxiously round, to make out who was talking.</p> + +<p>Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their +shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' +on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them +didn't know how to spell 'stupid,' and that he had to ask his +neighbour to tell him. 'A nice muddle their slates'll be in +before the trial's over!' thought Alice.</p> + +<p>One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, +Alice could <i>not</i> stand, and she went round the court and +got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it +away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was +Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of +it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write +with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very +little use, as it left no mark on the slate.</p> + +<p>'Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.</p> + +<p>On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and +then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--</p> + +<p><i>'The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer +day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them +quite away!'</i></p> + +<p>'Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.</p> + +<p>'Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 'There's a +great deal to come before that!'</p> + +<p>'Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit +blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, 'First +witness!'</p> + +<p>The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in +one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 'I beg +pardon, your Majesty,' he began, 'for bringing these in: but I +hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'</p> + +<p>'You ought to have finished,' said the King. 'When did you +begin?'</p> + +<p>The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into +the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. 'Fourteenth of March, I +<i>think</i> it was,' he said.</p> + +<p>'Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.</p> + +<p>'Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury +eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then +added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.</p> + +<p>'Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.</p> + +<p>'It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.</p> + +<p>'<i>Stolen!</i>' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who +instantly made a memorandum of the fact.</p> + +<p>'I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation; +'I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'</p> + +<p>Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the +Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.</p> + +<p>'Give your evidence,' said the King; 'and don't be nervous, or +I'll have you executed on the spot.'</p> + +<p>This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he kept +shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the +Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his +teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.</p> + +<p>Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which +puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was +beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she +would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she +decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for +her.</p> + +<p>'I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was +sitting next to her. 'I can hardly breathe.'</p> + +<p>'I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: 'I'm growing.'</p> + +<p>'You've no right to grow <i>here</i>,' said the Dormouse.</p> + +<p>'Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: 'you know +you're growing too.'</p> + +<p>'Yes, but <i>I</i> grow at a reasonable pace,' said the +Dormouse: 'not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very +sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.</p> + +<p>All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the +Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to +one of the officers of the court, 'Bring me the list of the +singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter +trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.</p> + +<p>'Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, 'or I'll have +you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'</p> + +<p>'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a +trembling voice, '--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week +or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and +the twinkling of the tea--'</p> + +<p>'The twinkling of the <i>what</i>?' said the King.</p> + +<p>'It <i>began</i> with the tea,' the Hatter replied.</p> + +<p>'Of course twinkling <i>begins</i> with a T!' said the King +sharply. 'Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'</p> + +<p>'I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, 'and most things +twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'</p> + +<p>'I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.</p> + +<p>'You did!' said the Hatter.</p> + +<p>'I deny it!' said the March Hare.</p> + +<p>'He denies it,' said the King: 'leave out that part.'</p> + +<p>'Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on, +looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the +Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.</p> + +<p>'After that,' continued the Hatter, 'I cut some more bread- +and-butter--'</p> + +<p>'But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.</p> + +<p>'That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.</p> + +<p>'You <i>must</i> remember,' remarked the King, 'or I'll have +you executed.'</p> + +<p>The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, +and went down on one knee. 'I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he +began.</p> + +<p>'You're a very poor <i>speaker</i>,' said the King.</p> + +<p>Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately +suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a +hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a +large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into +this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon +it.)</p> + +<p>'I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. 'I've so often +read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some +attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the +officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till +now.'</p> + +<p>'If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' +continued the King.</p> + +<p>'I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: 'I'm on the floor, as +it is.'</p> + +<p>'Then you may <i>sit</i> down,' the King replied.</p> + +<p>Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.</p> + +<p>'Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. 'Now we +shall get on better.'</p> + +<p>'I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious +look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.</p> + +<p>'You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the +court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.</p> + +<p>'--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one +of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the +officer could get to the door.</p> + +<p>'Call the next witness!' said the King.</p> + +<p>The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the +pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before +she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began +sneezing all at once.</p> + +<p>'Give your evidence,' said the King.</p> + +<p>'Shan't,' said the cook.</p> + +<p>The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a +low voice, 'Your Majesty must cross-examine <i>this</i> witness.'</p> + +<p>'Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy +air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till +his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 'What +are tarts made of?'</p> + +<p>'Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.</p> + +<p>'Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.</p> + +<p>'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. 'Behead that +Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch +him! Off with his whiskers!'</p> + +<p>For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the +Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down +again, the cook had disappeared.</p> + +<p>'Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. +'Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the +Queen, 'Really, my dear, <i>you</i> must cross-examine the next +witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!'</p> + +<p>Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, +feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, +'--for they haven't got much evidence <i>yet</i>,' she said to +herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at +the top of his shrill little voice, the name 'Alice!'</p> + +<hr> +<h3 align="Center">CHAPTER XII</h3> + +<h3 align="Center">Alice's Evidence</h3> + +<p>'Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the +moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she +jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with +the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads +of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding +her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset +the week before.</p> + +<p>'Oh, I <i>beg</i> your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of +great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she +could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, +and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at +once and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.</p> + +<p>'The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave +voice, 'until all the jurymen are back in their proper places-- +<i>all</i>,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at +Alice as he said do.</p> + +<p>Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she +had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing +was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable +to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; 'not that +it signifies much,' she said to herself; 'I should think it would +be <i>quite</i> as much use in the trial one way up as the +other.'</p> + +<p>As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of +being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and +handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write +out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed +too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, +gazing up into the roof of the court.</p> + +<p>'What do you know about this business?' the King said to +Alice.</p> + +<p>'Nothing,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Nothing <i>whatever?</i>' persisted the King.</p> + +<p>'Nothing <i>whatever,</i>' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. +They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when +the White Rabbit interrupted: '<i>Un</i>important, your Majesty +means, of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but +frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.</p> + +<p>'<i>Un</i>important, of course, I meant,' the King hastily +said, and went on to himself in an undertone, +'important--unimportant-- unimportant--important--' as if he were +trying which word sounded best.</p> + +<p>Some of the jury wrote it down 'important,' and some +'unimportant.' Alice could see this, as she was near enough to +look over their slates; 'but it doesn't matter a bit,' she +thought to herself.</p> + +<p>At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily +writing in his note-book, cackled out 'Silence!' and read out +from his book, 'Rule Forty-two. <i>All persons more than a mile +hight to leave the court</i>.'</p> + +<p>Everybody looked at Alice.</p> + +<p>'<i>I'm</i> not a mile high,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'You are,' said the King.</p> + +<p>'Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.</p> + +<p>'Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice: 'besides, that's +not a regular rule: you invented it just now.'</p> + +<p>'It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.</p> + +<p>'Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.</p> + +<p>The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. +'Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling +voice.</p> + +<p>'There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said +the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; 'this paper has +just been picked up.'</p> + +<p>'What's in it?' said the Queen.</p> + +<p>'I haven't opened it yet,' said the White Rabbit, 'but it +seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to +somebody.'</p> + +<p>'It must have been that,' said the King, 'unless it was +written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'</p> + +<p>'Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.</p> + +<p>'It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; 'in fact, +there's nothing written on the <i>outside</i>.' He unfolded the +paper as he spoke, and added 'It isn't a letter, after all: it's +a set of verses.'</p> + +<p>'Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of +they jurymen.</p> + +<p>'No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, 'and that's the +queerest thing about it.' (The jury all looked puzzled.)</p> + +<p>'He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King. +(The jury all brightened up again.)</p> + +<p>'Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, 'I didn't write it, and +they can't prove I did: there's no name signed at the end.'</p> + +<p>'If you didn't sign it,' said the King, 'that only makes the +matter worse. You <i>must</i> have meant some mischief, or else +you'd have signed your name like an honest man.'</p> + +<p>There was a general clapping of hands at this: it was the +first really clever thing the King had said that day.</p> + +<p>'That <i>proves</i> his guilt,' said the Queen.</p> + +<p>'It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice. 'Why, you don't +even know what they're about!'</p> + +<p>'Read them,' said the King.</p> + +<p>The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, +please your Majesty?' he asked.</p> + +<p>'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on +till you come to the end: then stop.'</p> + +<p>These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--</p> + +<p><i>'They told me you had been to her, And mentioned me to him: +She gave me a good character, But said I could not swim.</i></p> + +<p><i>He sent them word I had not gone (We know it to be true): +If she should push the matter on, What would become of +you?</i></p> + +<p><i>I gave her one, they gave him two, You gave us three or +more; They all returned from him to you, Though they were mine +before.</i></p> + +<p><i>If I or she should chance to be Involved in this affair, He +trusts to you to set them free, Exactly as we were.</i></p> + +<p><i>My notion was that you had been (Before she had this fit) +An obstacle that came between Him, and ourselves, and it.</i></p> + +<p><i>Don't let him know she liked them best, For this must ever +be A secret, kept from all the rest, Between yourself and +me.'</i></p> + +<p>'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' +said the King, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury--'</p> + +<p>'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had +grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit +afraid of interrupting him,) 'I'll give him sixpence. _I_ don't +believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'</p> + +<p>The jury all wrote down on their slates, '<i>She</i> doesn't +believe there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them +attempted to explain the paper.</p> + +<p>'If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, 'that saves a +world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And +yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his +knee, and looking at them with one eye; 'I seem to see some +meaning in them, after all. "<i>-said I could not swim--</i>" you +can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.</p> + +<p>The Knave shook his head sadly. 'Do I look like it?' he said. +(Which he certainly did <i>not</i>, being made entirely of +cardboard.)</p> + +<p>'All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering +over the verses to himself: '"<i>We know it to be true--</i>" +that's the jury, of course-- "<i>I gave her one, they gave him +two--</i>" why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you +know--'</p> + +<p>'But, it goes on "<i>they all returned from him to you,</i>"' +said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to +the tarts on the table. 'Nothing can be clearer than <i>that</i>. +Then again--"<i>before she had this fit-</i>-" you never had +<i>fits</i>, my dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.</p> + +<p>'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the +Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill had left off +writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no +mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was +trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)</p> + +<p>'Then the words don't <i>fit</i> you,' said the King, looking +round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.</p> + +<p>'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and +everybody laughed, 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the +King said, for about the twentieth time that day.</p> + +<p>'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first--verdict +afterwards.'</p> + +<p>'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having +the sentence first!'</p> + +<p>'Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.</p> + +<p>'I won't!' said Alice.</p> + +<p>'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her +voice. Nobody moved.</p> + +<p>'Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full +size by this time.) 'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'</p> + +<p>At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying +down upon her: she gave a little scream, half of fright and half +of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on +the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently +brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the +trees upon her face.</p> + +<p>'Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; 'Why, what a long +sleep you've had!'</p> + +<p>'Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told +her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange +Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and +when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, 'It +<i>was</i> a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to +your tea; it's getting late.' So Alice got up and ran off, +thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream +it had been.</p> + +<p>But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her +head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of +little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began +dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--</p> + +<p>First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the +tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes +were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her +voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back +the wandering hair that <i>would</i> always get into her +eyes--and still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole +place around her became alive the strange creatures of her little +sister's dream.</p> + +<p>The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried +by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the +neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as +the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, +and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate +guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the +Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once +more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's +slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, +filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable +Mock Turtle.</p> + +<p>So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in +Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and +all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only +rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the +reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, +and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd +boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and +all the other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the +confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the +cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's +heavy sobs.</p> + +<p>Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of +hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how +she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and +loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her +other little children, and make <i>their</i> eyes bright and eager with +many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of +long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, +and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own +child-life, and the happy summer days.</p> + +<p>End of the Project Gutenberg Etext of Alice's Adventures in +Wonderland</p> + +</body> +</html> |